I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
