I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
