i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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