Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm at about main and main street
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
