if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
