I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
