I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
