I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
