the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
