You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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