yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
