Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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