I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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