I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
