hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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