i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
