Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
