Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
