Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
