I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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