At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
