we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
