The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
