hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
