I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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