the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
