Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize