so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize