biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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