Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just pee around me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Success! We fucked roommates!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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