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This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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