good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I looked at my own cervix.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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