bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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