so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
3pm strippers are depressing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
