well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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