Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
