I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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