nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
