This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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