I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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