tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
