WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
