I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
