I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
