She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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