Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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