You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
