I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
