If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who died my cat blue again?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
