I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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