Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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