I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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