I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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