i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize