my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
