Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
