dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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