He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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