this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
