sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
