you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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