the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
