Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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