We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
