I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize