Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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