My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
